Feminist Fred

Try to see beyond the allure, the addictive pleasures of our hypersexual culture. Examine more deeply why porn makes you feel good. Is it just sex, as you might think? It’s not just sex for most of us, if you think that just sex would mean there is a woman present. By just sex, do we mean masturbation is sex?

Masturbation was presented to me as an adolescent as an inevitable reality that only someone destined for mental problems would even seek to avoid. I never thought of it as sex, since sex was something far greater that I was hoping to get to do some day, with a girl who wanted to do it with me.

Is masturbation sex? Here’s a question men should ask themselves: Is masturbation having sex with myself? Just me and my dick, enjoying the purely physical sensation? No, it’s not. You can’t prove this any other way than by not lying to yourself and figuring that you are probably not that much different from most other guys. But who out there is man enough to just lie there, thinking of nothing but hand, cock, and the sensations they provide? What man masturbates with no thoughts of anything but themselves?

Hence, porn. Porn can be completely in the realm of personal fantasy, with no external references except those provided by the world around you. And yet, because these fantasies are not real, they are still porn. Porn can be fantasies of projected wishes of being with someone you love, yet this is still porn. Porn can be any desire that replaces the real presence of another with the imagined presence of another. It’s all abstract substitutions of imagery and imagined actions with actuality.

When I have sex I’m in the moment with someone I’m really into, if not in love with. I can’t invoke the porn feeling of abstraction when I have the actual flesh in front of me. Maybe this has caused problems of arousal for me, maybe this has made it easier for me to be a better lover, maybe this has kept me from invoking that same abstract arousal in another and led to the kind of semi-failure of arousal men fear. But I can distinguish easily between how great sex is with a woman and how masturbation gives me a really mixed bag of chaotic emotions that I find hard to examine, and therefore cannot understand.

Men are ashamed to admit they masturbate. It indicates so many negative things they don’t want to think about themselves that they refuse to even think about consciously, that they typically just avoid the subject completely, with themselves and with anyone who might bring the subject up.

A man who masturbates uses porn of some kind to get himself excited enough to do it and to make himself excited enough to come. Only rarely, in the heat of youth, when hormones flow like flooding rivers, do men ever get excited for no reason and come with little stimulus. Even young men, excited by their ability to come over and over again, will use porn to arouse themselves to higher and higher levels of orgasmic achievement, so that they achieve a state of hypersexual arousal from sheer habit.

Why shouldn’t this all be just fine, the way men like to see it? Why be ashamed? Where’s the negative? The negative is the porn. The negative is the idea that arousal as men know it depends on some kind of imagery or imagined actions in order to take place at all. Men would like to think they are just so incredibly virile that they can have all this sex, and all their masturbation is some kind of practice or some kind of proof that they could do this with a girl, too. But the reality, they suspect, and which I think is horribly true, is that it is the porn that takes them to this level, and that if you take away the porn, you take away much of the ability that porn promises.

Men also feel unloved and unappreciated when they masturbate, of course. They feel like they are going to waste. What a great feeling, what a big hard cock, it feels so good, why isn’t there anyone here to share it with me? They feel reduced to a lower, unlovable and undesirable level. Men who masturbate feel debased by having to resort to masturbation. If they were as great as they wanted to be, they would never have to jack off again. No man can honestly deny this feeling, no matter how hard he tries to hide it from himself.

Next post I will try to explain further how using porn to masturbate debases men, and how this feeling can be turned outward to create a need to debase women, too. Or maybe some of you can help me by leaving comments.