How male supremacy oppresses humans with male parts
The delightful commenter belenen has written to offer a carefully-considered explanation of how men are also oppressed by their own supremacy.
Well, men don’t suffer in an oppressed way, true, but they do suffer from sexism. I don’t think that they actually feel the sting of it until after becoming aware of how much women suffer and are oppressed, which is an odd irony. There’s the fake ’suffering’ where women supposedly have ‘power of the pussy’ as you pointed out, and then there is the suffering an aware, compassionate human being feels when ze realizes ze has hurt / is hurting others. And I know some of this is just me imagining how I would feel, but some of it is what I have heard/felt from feminist males that I know, such as my partner and another close friend of mine. So yeah, that’s a rambling way of saying “men are not oppressed, but are yet harmed by sexism.”
I think it is just as damaging for a child to learn that ze is better than others by simple fact of body shape/skin/size as it is for a child to learn that ze is lesser. Do you know what I mean? obviously the oppressor has all the material perks, but they aren’t really positive when you consider the price of harming others. Hm. I feel like I am not explaining this very well. I suppose it comes down to a philosophy of mine — that by harming others you yourself are harmed, and that one cannot gain any true joy by harming others. The ‘joy’ some get from harming others I would call false, like the ‘joy’ that comes from intoxication. Oppressors like Hugh Hefner are constantly drugged with lust and power but they are not happy. Not that we should allow them to continue harming others! But just to realize that they are not to be envied.
I have been accustomed to avoiding discussions of how the poor men suffer so from having to oppress everyone without really wanting to oppress anyone. Generally, such discussions are started by Men’s Rights Advocates (MRAs) who are actually suffering the unendurable pangs of privilege thwarted. Such whines and snivels are all along the lines of “As long as there exists anywhere a female who refuses to open her legs, I suffer and women have all the real power” and “Complaining about and pointing out the obvious truth that men are bossy, aggressive, hostile and needy makes me feel bad about myself and makes me want to punch someone, preferably someone female who won’t hurt much if she punches back” and suchlike absurdities.
But belenen points out how men who are aware of and critical of male supremacy - we call them feminists because there really isn’t a better term for it, since humanist is taken and means something quite different - can become and may have always been acutely aware of the social burdens of living up to the male stereotype. She seems to be pointing out that everyone who grows up in a patriarchal world is damaged.
As someone who has enjoyed both drugs and booze with a certain amount of caution that has only increased with exposure to the double-edged sword of intoxication, I have to agree that male supremacy is a kind of drug, as is sexual stimulation. Like any drug, it will make you sick if you look up and notice the damage it can do to your body and the lives of those around you. If you deny or refuse to acknowledge these bitter effects, real sickness sets in, along with addiction and traumatic violence to anyone around you.
My bottom line is that I benefit from opting out as far as I can from the trap of male identity and sexism. It’s not the point, this benefit. It’s rather a feeling that, once I believe that women are not different, don’t enjoy being oppressed, hate being the constant targets of male sexual aggression, from catcalls, to rape, to murder; once I get that simple idea in mind, it’s rather hard to live with myself knowing that I enjoy the same supremacy in any way, whether I ask for it or not.
July 30th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
It never ceases to amaze me how men can be so willfully blind to the hypocrisy of their situation. Their phallus worship is obvious as is their disdain for those who are “penetrated” (females), yet they always vociferously play up how sex-obsessed men “naturally” are, which makes no sense at all. In what other area do people devote so much time and energy to pursue objects they despise? “But we love women!” men cry. Oh yes, they love women so much that they lie to them all the time and then call them the worst sorts of names–sometimes to their faces but more often behind their backs. What men are chasing is not women nor sex but the masculine ideal as envisioned by the patriarchy, which neither honors nor respects the feminine but strives ever against it, hating those who are “less masculine” and preying on them.
August 26th, 2008 at 9:07 am
Good drug analogy. I would add (as you already implied) that the more you get, the more you actually need in order to get the same high. That’s how it is with porn as well (as you know from that book, Getting Off).
I wouldn’t be surprised if Hefner IS happy, although in an Ignorance-Is-Bliss sort of way.
Men are harmed in ways the MRA’s cannot begin to understand. They are basically arguing for the right to own slaves.
Thanks so much for offering to coddle the dudes, so Twisy doesn’t have to.
August 28th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Although I think men do get off on the power of oppressing others, I don’t believe that is the only motivation for doing it. Power in whatever form it manifests (physical strength, wealth, social status, etc.) is the essence of masculinity, and it is how men relate to each other. Women are just a form of currency in this system, no different than a big house or a hot car. That’s why a woman’s beauty and sexuality are so highly regulated, so a man can possess her and demonstrate his power; any woman who does not conform to those standards has lower “value” (e.g. prostitutes and “sluts”).
Men are in competition only with other men, so they reject all identification with women. I have heard women say countless times that their husbands/boyfriends are never reassured by them. Men look elsewhere for validation because women are “less than” they are (thus their opinions are worthless), and men’s only recourse is to look for a new toy with which to impress other men.
August 29th, 2008 at 5:55 am
Excellent points, Shiny. I used to see all my problems with men solely from the standpoint of my dislike for competition, since I neither wanted to be a loser or a winner. Now that women have opened up my eyes to the oppression they feel, whether they choose to deny it or not, it’s added a whole new dimension to how I look at my faults and tendencies. But the essential quest to dominate is the hallmark of masculinity, which puts men in constant competition with everything in an endless and ultimately doomed contest.
It’s why I reject sexualities based on dominance and submission. I can easily see the appeal but the reality of it has always horrified me. The simplicity of giving up responsibility for arousal and turning to forcible methods to get there is a natural outgrowth of our sick uber-sexual world view these days.